Happy Birthday to ya!

Happy Birthday, Mom!!

You are totes amazing!!!!!!!

Happy Thursday! 

OMGW

Hi Peeps.
I was struggling to come up with something OMGW worthy, then got a little text from Timmy that read, "Waiting for my OMGW Wednesday" How presh is he?

Didn't really come up with anything, so I asked Tim what he had for me.
His reply..

I get promoted tomorrow!
Andrew and Clifford are back from overseas! Collins (Andrew) from Afghanistan, Cliff from Iraq.
Fourth of July is Monday!
Budweiser comes in American flag cans.
OMFGW.

He said something else that is highly inappropriate, although totally appropriate coming from him, does that make sense?

So, here it is...

OMGW! Tim is promoted to Captain on Mom's Birthday!

Tomorrow, on my totes adorbs Mom's 37th birthday, our little First Lieutenant becomes a big, bad Captain. How exciting! Must I recite another original poem? AND how awesome is it that we have some more of our men home! Yahoo for Collins and Cliff! Welcome back, dudes. Fourth of July is big time. I'm a sucker for all things red, white and blue. And I'll be wearing red, white and blue most of the weekend. Not to mention, another paid holiday!! And if you work at Nordyne, you have Tuesday off, too. Boo-ya. I hope all of you are celebrating with a Budweiser American flag can. Don't give me that, "I don't like beer." or, "But Budweiser has so many calories." You know that stuff is delicious. Drinking one isn't going to give you Kim Kardashian's butt.

1. What is your all time favorite dessert?

Hmmmm... probably cookie dough.

But I would consider that more of a delicious snack meal.

2. How many siblings do you have?

Zero that are biological. 

3. Have you had your heart broken?

Yes.

Last weekend.

By horse #6.

4. Did you play any sports in high school?

Duh.

Golf, basketball and soccer.

Goooooooooooo Colts!

5. Can you post a photo from your prom?

This pic isn't from prom. But it's my junior prom dress.

And that's probably what you really want to see.

6. If you were given a brand new yacht, what would you name it?

OH! I love these questions.

I seriously think about this junk all the time!

Ok, top 3 names:

1. Racer 2, but I would write it like Racer II 

(Racer 1 is the MSU mascot. Also, the name of our real live horse that runs around the track after we score a touchdown. Some seaons, the actual run is rare. But Racer 1 is always there, in his/her little corral. I think we're on our second Racer 1.)

2. Jingle Bows

In honor of Christmas. And boats.

3. Easy Peasy

For my all time favorite song, "Take It Easy" by the Eagles, duh.

7. Have you broken any bones? If yes, how?

You bet I have!

Left pinky

 Playing basketball.

Right thumb

 I was at soccer camp, doing drills.

We had to sprint to the cone, drop and do 10 crunches.

I dropped and slipped, hyperextending my thumb.

I actually had to get it pinned, because the break was wider than a millimeter.

Right pinky

Playing soccer, pulled a girls jersey. SNAP!

Left pinky

Playing basketball.

8. Who would win in a fight: pirates or ninjas?

I'm gonna go with pirates.

Because they have cannons and people that look like octopuses.

9. What are you most excited about right now?

4 day weekend! HOLLER

10. What was your favorite tv show as a child?

Are you kidding me? SBTB, Full House, TFIG's original line up (Family Matters, Sister Sister, Boy Meets World, Step by Step.. check that, I'm sure it's in order), Babar, Mickey Mouse Club, 90210 (I used to watch it till I heard the garage door, I feel like my parents didn't want me watching it. Mom?), Gullah Gullah Island. Oh snap, do you remember Gullah Gullah Island?

11. What message would you want to put in a fortune cookie?

Something ridiculously amazing.

Or something involving the word, "poop."

12. If you could be invited to one person's birthday party, whose would you choose?

I feel like I should say Oprah because she gives out free sh*t.

However, I don't really like Oprah.

So, I'd go to Tiger Woods' bday bash.

Or, the Kardashians.

13. Do you believe in luck?

Totes!

Happy Wednesday!



Women's World Cup

Happy USA finally plays today day!

The 2011 Women's World Cup kicked off on Sunday, in Germany. Games will be played at nine venues, which I imagine is pretty cool.

USA has won 2 world cups (91 and 99)... Many of you probably remember this from 1999. In fact, many of you probably became fans after that.

I hope we can add another star to our jerseys this year! And I hope this cup is drama free. Don't remember 2007's drama? Google it.

USA plays today at 12ET against North Korea. Tune in to ESPN.

If I were at home, I'd be wearing my USA uniform and cleats.

Happy Tuesday. GO USA!

Fishtail Friday

When it's not Lent, it's fishtail.
I'm at work. I'm the only one in my department and it's Friday. You figure out the rest.

So, instead of snoozing under a cube that isn't being used, I decided to master the fishtail braid... on myself. WHOA.

So, I found some tutorials.

I started with this one..

And switched to a blond, because it was much easier for me to see.

And BOOMshakalakalaka.

First try...

Second try... 

Picture isn't as good but the shape is there!

Third try...



And, Master!

See ya later regular ol braided pony.. Hello Fishtail! Actually, I'll probably still braid. When I go somewhere fancy, I'll fishtail.

Have a SUPER weekend!

OMGW!

OMG! Potatoes are the miracle vegetable! You've gotta read this convo my mom and I just had...

Me:  I was offered some food that was ordered in. I declined at first, then was persuaded to try the mashed potatoes. So, I did. And boy am I glad I did! I've got the curse, and I think my very appropriately sized serving of loaded mashed potatoes went straight to my ovaries and settled them! Who knew!

Mom: Only the Native Americans knew about the medicinal miracles of the white potato. And since they are all dying, the secrets will go with them. Thank goodness you discovered this miracle in time to share it with the rest of America.


Now do you see where I get my ridiculously amazing wordsmithing from?

So, here you go, everything you need to know about the white potato. And what it can do for you.

Besides delicious treats, potatoes are obviously ideal for making you feel better. Prime example (see above): Me and my ovaries. If you wash your face with potato juice or potato water (what's the difference?), you'll look younger. Got tired eyes? Who doesn't.  Place round slices on your eyes to reduce the puffiness. Try using potatoes as a face mask. Mix mashed potatoes with lemon juice and a teaspoon of milk, put it on your face, leave it for 20 mins, then wash off. Wal-lah! If you burn yourself, use a raw slice potato, mix it with water until paste-y. Apply the paste to your burn. Also, potatoes help you sleep. True story. Potatoes prevent the action of acids in our tum tums that disturb our sleep (this is different than gas..). Eat a boiled, mashed potato, and drink milk before sleeping.

You can cure warts. Which is a good idea, because warts are disgusting. The doctor tried to tell me I had warts once. I told him they were skin tabs. He said, "they're warts."

You're a wart!

Anyway, I got rid of them. And they were skin tabs. So, to cure warts, rub the edge of a potato on a wart daily until the wart is gone. Potatoes are very high in Potassium and Vit C, both promote healing. Potatoes also work as a cold or hot compress. The super spectacular spuds hold the cold and heat very well. Try heating a potato, wrap it in a cloth and apply to a sore lower back. Or, freeze the potato and apply to a lump on your head.


Remember when you were told a peeled potato in your pocket would cure your toothache? I'm sure it's true. For all my arthritic friends.. try wearing a dried potato around your neck.

Potatoes can remove glue on your hands, and be used as shoe polish.. err.. primer. Rub a raw potato on your old, nasty shoes before polishing them. In addition to shoes, polish your silverware. Boil potatoes, remove the potatoes from the water and place your silverware in the water for an hour. Also, rub a potato on your glasses to keep them from fogging up. And rub a piece of raw potato on a berry stain to get it out! It gets better.. if the stain persists, dip the potato in lemon juice. Ditto for stains on hands. To clean rusty knives, dip a potato in brick dust. Weirdest use ever. To clean carpets, grate a potato and rub over the messy surface. Finish off with a clean cloth, wrung out with warm water. To clean dresses, grate two raw potatoes into a pint of cold water, strain though a strainer thingy, add another pint of water and let it settle. Pour the clean part into a bottle and dip a sponge into the water. Rub the soiled (ew) garment carefully, rinsing afterward with clear water.

Mom's done this one.. Make your own stamp! Potatoes are so easily carved, they make the perfect medium! Cut the tater in half, carve your design and start stamping!
Use potatoes instead of floral foam. Cut it in half, and poke holes in the surface, insert flower stems.

Oh, I've heard this one! Safely remove broken light bulbs! Cut a potato in half and place it over the broken bulb, twist, and the rest of the light bulb should come out easily! Also, make a battery! I feel like we did that in science class.

There ya go. You're going to have fabulous skin, spotless clothes, super cute stamps, and everyone will call you to remove their broken light bulbs!

Happy Wednesday!

Road Rage

First of all, Tuesdays are the worst.

Second, why do people suck at driving? It's not that hard to figure out. Stay to the right. That's it. Don't drive in the left lane unless you're passing. And that means all roads with four lanes or more. Even residential roads, people!

This morning on my way to work, I was day dreaming in the left lane. Whoops. A little red sports car was behind me, so I moved over. Well, he moved over too! WTF little red sports car! If you're going drive on my tush, don't follow me over into the right lane! Either pass me, or back up!

Happy Worst Day of The Week!

Father's Day!

Today's Nordyne blog asked, "What is the best advice your dad has ever given you?"

Well, Nordyne, if you must know...

This may not necessarily be the best advice, but it is the most memorable.

In 5th grade, apparently I was rather rambunctious (OMG, hardest word to spell, ever!). This was the first year we switched classes for every core class. Mr. Collins was my Social Studies teacher. I truly remember enjoying his class a lot. We got to re enact wars. And important trials. And then watch them/us on TV! I don't know if his class was right after lunch or what, but he called home weekly, sometimes probably more, to complain about precious little me. It probably went something like this, "Jessica talks too much. Jessica doesn't sit still. Jessica is so awesome, I am jealous and don't know what else to do besides try to get her in trouble."  I quickly learned to pray that Dad answers the phone. Because if mom answered, I was in wayyyyyyyyyyyy more trouble. We're talking no dessert.

I remember getting home from wherever I was, probably soccer practice. And my dad being in the kitchen, and mom in the basement. My dad said (insert most memorable advice ever given), "just plead the fifth." Meanwhile, my mom is calling me to the basement (don't worry, this time "basement" is not synonymous with "dungeon", mom was probably crafting.) I cocked my pretty little head in confusion at dad, and headed towards the basement. Dad followed, repeating, "just plead the fifth." Still confused as to what "plead the fifth" actually meant, I was stopped dead in my tracks by Mom. Again dad says, "just plead fifth." He giggles. By this time, I'm sure I figured out what was going on. CRAP! Mr. Collins called home and mom answered! I am DEAD. MEAT. Mom looked at me, probably had her hands on her hips and I'm sure asked, "What do you have to say for yourself?"

"I plead the fifth."

Happy Father's Day, Dad! You are the bomb.

I LOVE YOU!

Have a GREAT weekend!

HOLLER

Where have I been! I've been here, waiting on myself to upload my pics. Do I sound like a broken record? You're right. I sound better. Tonight may or may not be the night!

Last night we had a PSL game. Sounds big time, don't it? Premier Soccer League, in your face. Anyway, we won. Finally! I'm really not 100% sure, but I'm like 99% sure that the Goalkeeper that finishes the game gets the W (like peetchers in baseball), which basically means yours truly is the sole reason we won the game. SOLE.

Also in today's news, I found a new blog. Check out she blogs she blogs I've only been through pages 1-3, and the woman is hilarious. She's inspired me to be funnier. Which will either be really hard, because I'm already ridiculously gut-busting... or easy, because I'm good at being funny. Most things come easy for me... except for Chicago, tennis and up-dos. But up-dos aren't my fault.. I have a lot of hair.

So, this just in (and speaking of Chicago), me and my monkeys are headed to Chicago in a few weeks to see Brit Brit from the 12th-ish row!! HOLLERR!!! We'll prolly get a meet n greet, too! And I'm sure we'll also run walk shop the Magnificent Mile. And take a pic with the big bean.

That pic never gets old. I'm like the cutest sailor in the world.

Happy Wednesday!



Tomb of the Unknowns

In keeping with the theme... I thought I would post about the Tomb of the Unknowns. This was the coolest thing.  I just wiki-ed it and learned some things.

OK so picture a marble arena, one like the gladiators used to fight in. Then picture a big front door and even bigger, marble, majestic steps. That's where we sat. So now we're 'in between' the 'arena' and the Tomb of the Unknowns. Do you have a mental picture? We're looking towards the Tomb. Obvi.

This is the best pic I have of the Tomb...



So here's one from Wikipedia!

Here Rests In Honored Glory An American Soldier Known But To God.

The WW1 Unknown is below the marble sarcophagus. Other Unknowns are beneath the white slabs on the ground. Korean War Unknown on the left, WW2 Unknown on the Right. A Vietnam War Unknown was under the middle slab until 1998, when he was identified. The remains of the Vietnam Unknown were identified using DNA testing. Department of Defense scientists identified the remains as those of Air Force 1st Lt. Michael Joseph Blassie. Blassie's remains arrived home to his family in St. Louis, Missouri; he was re-interred at Jefferson Barracks National Cemetery. Proud St. Louis-an here!

The crypt that once held the remains of the Vietnam Unknown has been replaced. The original inscription of "Vietnam" and the dates of the conflict has been changed to "Honoring and Keeping Faith with America's Missing Servicemen." as a reminder of the commitment of the Armed Forces to fullest possible accounting of missing service members.

So, it is considered one of the highest honors to serve as a Tomb Guard. Fewer than 20% of all volunteers are accepted for training and of those only a fraction pass training to become full-fledged Tomb Guards. Crazy! Here's an interesting fact: The sentinels (the guards) do not wear rank insignia on their uniforms so that they do not outrank the Unknowns, whatever their rank may have been. Nice work, 'Merica. Soldiers serving in other roles, like Relief Commander and Assistant Relief Commander, do wear insignia of their rank when changing the guard only. They have a separate uniform worn when they actually guard the Unknowns or are "Posted". Every time the guard is changed, a Relief Commander accompanies the 'new' guard. If I ever get my video to upload, you'll see him. Tomb Guards currently carry M14 rifles, which are unloaded, but kept ready for use at all times, and always have a bayonet fixed.

OK, so the whole walking the mat thing... There is a meticulous ritual the guard follows when watching over the graves:

1.  The guard walks 21 steps across the Tomb. This alludes to the 21-gun salute, which is the highest honor given to any military or foreign dignitary in America. His weapon is always on the shoulder opposite the Tomb (i.e., closest to us, sitting on the steps).

2.  On the 21st step, the guard turns and faces the Tomb for 21 seconds.

3.  The guard then turns to face the other way across the Tomb and changes his weapon to the outside shoulder.

4.  After 21 seconds, the first step is repeated.

This is repeated until the guard is relieved of duty at the Changing of the Guard.

On the 21st step, and after the turn towards the Tomb, the guard "clicks his heels." I'm sorry, to any guard out there that reads this, I'm aware I just made you sound like Dorothy, and you're way cooler. But I don't know how else to explain it. Regardless, it's my favorite part! The guards have metal plates built into the soles and inner parts of their shoes to give the said signature click of the heel during maneuvers. The guards are also issued sunglasses that are formed to their faces due to the bright reflection from the marble surrounding the Tomb and the Memorial Amphitheater (Memorial Amphitheater! That's what I meant by "a marble arena, one like the gladiators used to fight in"). I'm sure the guards also wear sunglasses to help divert their attention away from hotties like me.

The guard change is very symbolic, but also conducted in accordance with Army regulations. The Relief Commander or Assistant Relief Commander, along with the oncoming Guard, are both required for a guard change to take place. The Guard being relieved will say to the oncoming Guard, "Post and orders remain as directed." The oncoming Guard's response is always, "Orders acknowledged." That was my second favorite part, after the heel click.
During the the day in summer months from April 1 to September 30, the guard is changed every half hour. During the winter months, from October 1 to March 31, the guard is changed every hour. After the cemetery closes to the public, the guard is changed every two hours until the cemetery reopens. The ceremony can be witnessed by the public whenever Arlington National Cemetery is open.

I've probably said this before. But if you get the chance, go.

Happy Thursday!



DC Pics!

Hold on to your hats!

Georgetown!

Museum of Natural History, home of the Hope Diamond, and Memorials at night.

Memorials, Museum of American History, Movie in Gateway Park

The Capitol

Saturday night dinner and piano bar

Mount Vernon

Arlington National Cemetery

That's it for pics!

Happy Wednesday