Wednesday, June 22, 2011


OMG! Potatoes are the miracle vegetable! You've gotta read this convo my mom and I just had...

Me:  I was offered some food that was ordered in. I declined at first, then was persuaded to try the mashed potatoes. So, I did. And boy am I glad I did! I've got the curse, and I think my very appropriately sized serving of loaded mashed potatoes went straight to my ovaries and settled them! Who knew!

Mom: Only the Native Americans knew about the medicinal miracles of the white potato. And since they are all dying, the secrets will go with them. Thank goodness you discovered this miracle in time to share it with the rest of America.

Now do you see where I get my ridiculously amazing wordsmithing from?

So, here you go, everything you need to know about the white potato. And what it can do for you.

Besides delicious treats, potatoes are obviously ideal for making you feel better. Prime example (see above): Me and my ovaries. If you wash your face with potato juice or potato water (what's the difference?), you'll look younger. Got tired eyes? Who doesn't.  Place round slices on your eyes to reduce the puffiness. Try using potatoes as a face mask. Mix mashed potatoes with lemon juice and a teaspoon of milk, put it on your face, leave it for 20 mins, then wash off. Wal-lah! If you burn yourself, use a raw slice potato, mix it with water until paste-y. Apply the paste to your burn. Also, potatoes help you sleep. True story. Potatoes prevent the action of acids in our tum tums that disturb our sleep (this is different than gas..). Eat a boiled, mashed potato, and drink milk before sleeping.

You can cure warts. Which is a good idea, because warts are disgusting. The doctor tried to tell me I had warts once. I told him they were skin tabs. He said, "they're warts."

You're a wart!

Anyway, I got rid of them. And they were skin tabs. So, to cure warts, rub the edge of a potato on a wart daily until the wart is gone. Potatoes are very high in Potassium and Vit C, both promote healing. Potatoes also work as a cold or hot compress. The super spectacular spuds hold the cold and heat very well. Try heating a potato, wrap it in a cloth and apply to a sore lower back. Or, freeze the potato and apply to a lump on your head.

Remember when you were told a peeled potato in your pocket would cure your toothache? I'm sure it's true. For all my arthritic friends.. try wearing a dried potato around your neck.

Potatoes can remove glue on your hands, and be used as shoe polish.. err.. primer. Rub a raw potato on your old, nasty shoes before polishing them. In addition to shoes, polish your silverware. Boil potatoes, remove the potatoes from the water and place your silverware in the water for an hour. Also, rub a potato on your glasses to keep them from fogging up. And rub a piece of raw potato on a berry stain to get it out! It gets better.. if the stain persists, dip the potato in lemon juice. Ditto for stains on hands. To clean rusty knives, dip a potato in brick dust. Weirdest use ever. To clean carpets, grate a potato and rub over the messy surface. Finish off with a clean cloth, wrung out with warm water. To clean dresses, grate two raw potatoes into a pint of cold water, strain though a strainer thingy, add another pint of water and let it settle. Pour the clean part into a bottle and dip a sponge into the water. Rub the soiled (ew) garment carefully, rinsing afterward with clear water.

Mom's done this one.. Make your own stamp! Potatoes are so easily carved, they make the perfect medium! Cut the tater in half, carve your design and start stamping!
Use potatoes instead of floral foam. Cut it in half, and poke holes in the surface, insert flower stems.

Oh, I've heard this one! Safely remove broken light bulbs! Cut a potato in half and place it over the broken bulb, twist, and the rest of the light bulb should come out easily! Also, make a battery! I feel like we did that in science class.

There ya go. You're going to have fabulous skin, spotless clothes, super cute stamps, and everyone will call you to remove their broken light bulbs!

Happy Wednesday!

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