Wednesday, August 31, 2011


This is a frustrated OMG Wednesday.

Excuse me while I VENT.  First of all, I studied Exercise Science in college.  And I'm a Certified Strength and Conditioning Specialist.  And, I think it's totally flattering and adorable when people come to me for my expert opinion, even if I'm secretly vigorously googling to make sure I'm correct, or to find the correct answer.  I have a great friend who always calls me before seeking medical attention (I pray to God if it's that serious, he'll call 911 before calling Jdub) (I pray to God even more that it never gets that serious).

I'm aware I'm not a doctor, or a nurse, or whatever else you might think reigns higher than me.  But for crying out loud!  I probably know more than you!  I probably know the answer to your medical question!  And a lot of other people probably know the answer to your question, because I bet they've been through it, or their spouse has or friend has!

Today I heard this...

"Did you know you have four pulses?" 

I wish you could see my face.  I said, "No you don't, who told you that?"

"Yes you do, a nurse told me."

WHATTTTTTTTTTT!  I'm gonna give this nurse the benefit of the doubt and say that Ursula misunderstood, big time.  If Urs had 4 pulses, that would mean Urs has 4 hearts, and be borderline bionic.  Which would be totally awesome, but I know for a fact that Ursula is not anywhere close to borderline anything.  Except for being of the female species.

Anyway, I'm pissed because Ursula refused to believe me, that you only have one pulse, because a nurse told her you have four pulses.  And again, you only have one pulse.  And, no.  Ursula didn't mean you can get a pulse from four sites, because it's actually five sites (Carotid, Radial, Femoral, Pedal, Brachial. BAM!) and I asked her that.

For the record.  My very best friend in the whole milky way system is a nurse.  She is the smartest person I know!  And officially a Certified Pediatric Nurse!  HOLLER!! 

Plus, I'm like 99% sure most people know you only have one pulse. You don't have to be a certified anything.

C'mon Thursday!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Text me!

Check out this text convo I had with my mom. I will include time stamps.

Mom (4:52pm): Oh boy trouble in river city packing up now
Jess (4:57pm): What happened? At the casino?
Mom (4:59pm): Casino?
Jess (5:01pm): River City Casino?
Mom (5:02): No clue.

Out loud, I was like, "But you said River City!" Haha

When mom got home from work we got this all cleared up!  Apparently, "Trouble in River City" is from a movie.  A movie I've obviously never seen.  One might argue, "But how would your mom know what happened at the casino? She doesn't work there." True.  But she has the KSDK app.  It would tell her.  And, there is often confusion (on my end.. speaking for myself here!), when it has been awhile between texts.  I get texts a lot where I'm like, "What in the solar system is Gidget talking about!"  And then I just re read and realize, oh yeah.  But that wasn't happening here either.  It was a classic case of "JEssica doesn't get the movie quote." Happens with me a lot. Unless it's "Mighty Ducks," "Little Giants," or "Rookie of the Year." I can't even decipher between "Hangover," "Old School," and "Anchorman" anymore.  

My mom is funny.

I'm getting a soda.

This picture of Heidi always makes me laugh.

Happy Tuesday, again!


Listen up, people.

I dunno if something big time just happened and I missed it, or if it's just a coincidental popular subject at the moment. But there has been a lot of buzz about Facebook ruining relationships. Over the weekend, a friend mentioned she knew of 5 relationships (5!!) ending (some in divorce! WHAT!) because of something happening on Facebook.. And, this morning on the radio, "we" were talking to "Brian," who's wife just reconnected with a boyfriend from high school. "Brian" said she dated him 12 years ago, but this is basically an ex-boyfriend. Yes, "Brian".. an ex-boyfriend from 12 years ago. And sounds like that's exactly what's been happening, either someone re-connects with their elementary school flame, and is now dropping everything to pop out a Facebook chat with him or her.  Or there has been some type of incriminating wall post that leads to a news flash realization about your spouse, ultimately damaging the relationship. But for crying out loud, this is Facebook. It cannot and should not replace real life conversations and relationships! Lord, have mercy!

On a more uplifting note, did you see the new cast for Dancing With The Stars!?!??!?!! Hope Solo, K-Cav, Chaz Bono, Ricki Lake (HELLO!) and Rob Kardashian.. to name a few. I can't wait to watch! I bet anyone $50, K-Cav's partner is Mark, and they date while filming. BOOM. Callin' it.

Happy Tuesday!

Friday, August 26, 2011

F****** Friday!

That's right.  I said it.

You'd think, in my world, it was Friday the 13th.  It's just been that kind of day.  First of all, people are crazy.  And no, it can't possibly just be me.

Second, I just went to the bathroom... stay with me, and while smoothing out my totes adorbs chambray button down (or is it button up? Or does it matter?) under my double totes adorbs animal print skirt I noticed this...

I immediately thought I pooped on myself.  TMI?  Don't care.  This is funny.  On what planet does someone think they pooped on themselves, before the much more appropriate... chocolate?  Planet Earth, is the answer.  Because it just happened to me!  Immediately, I got hot.. and my armpits started sweating.  Then, I got up the nerve to touch it.  And it's not poop or chocolate.  It's part of my skirt!  See...

Double totes adorbs right?

Then, I came back to my desk, and SMOKED my knee on the corner of one of my filing cabinet drawers.  Yes, mom, the drawer was pushed all the way in.  After exclaiming, "OWWWWWWWWWW!" and "I'm gonna bleed. I'm gonna bleed."  I realized, "Actually, I don't think I'm gonna bleed.  This is the numb part of my knee."  Crazy, huh?  I'm thinking that means no circulation?  So, no blood flow.  Sounds kind of weird.  But you're lookin at it.  After surgery, almost 9 years ago, the outside (lateral side) of my knee is still numb.  See...

I guarantee if that would have happened to my right knee, or the medial side of my left knee, there would have been blood... everywhere... which, of course, I would have preferred.  And click on that pic, you'll get a better looksie, that's my skin right there. On my triple totes adorbs mani!!!

Tonight, I'm heading to the horse races, again.  I have a feeling I shouldn't be betting, just based on the way today has gone.  But, that probably won't stop me. C'monnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn number 6!!!!!!!

Happy Friday!  Have a GREAT weekend!

Thursday, August 25, 2011


I think these shoes are UGLY! But everyone (celebs) seems to be wearing them!

(images curtesy of

J.Crew has glitter ones.

What do you guys and gals think?

Happy Thursday!

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

St. Croix Hook

In May 2010, Wessers and I went to St. Croix.. part of the US Virgin Islands. I totally recommend going. I've never been to St. Thomas or St. John. But I hear St. Croix is just as awesome, but way less commercialized.

Anyway, when we were there, we noticed EVERYONE was wearing very similar bracelets.. Finally we asked. The "island" bracelet is the hook. Formally known as "The St. Croix Hook." Along with the hook we saw, lizards and dolphins, barbells, swirls, diamonds (the shape, not the stones), etc. So, most shops sells these bracelets, and put their own twist on them, like come up with their own patterns. But Big John (our driver for the week, and wearer of a gold hook) told us to go to Sonya's. So, we did! I got a hook, and Wes and I both got a hook for our moms. I got myself a silver bracelet, with a gold wrap. And chose all silver for mom. I put mine on as soon as I got it, and haven't taken it off since! When we got to the St. Croix airport to go home, I beeped when I went through security. The guard told me to unhook my bracelet! So many people must come without these island bracelets and leave with them! St. Croix folklore says, you're supposed to wear the hook bracelet up or down depending on your luck or love. If you're taken, wear the hook up. (Just like the Irish Claddagh ring)
Here is some more information about Sonya and her shop!

Yesterday, while on the metro heading to the Cards game, a guy (probably my age) spotted my hook!! (Actually his girlfriend or girl that's a friend did). We chatted about the island and he said I was his first hook spotting! He was my second. Boom!

Happy Tuesday! I wish it was appropriate to call hook wearers, "Hookers." Hahhahehehehehe

Monday, August 22, 2011

Training Day


First, and foremost. Something you've all been waiting for.. the picture of me on the HOG!

Marvin probably wants to pop me in the chin with his shoulder. I'm practically sitting on him. See all that space between me and those bags (I don't know what they are really called). I should be sitting back there. Sorry Marv.  Mid-ride, I definitely relaxed A LOT, and scooted back, and was able to hold on to the handles that are like right under my hammy. Thank goodness, Marvin was probably turning blue from my death grip, which would have been bad for all of us.  Another thing, you're not supposed to wear flip flops if you're riding a motorcycle.. unfortunately I forgot to pack my riding gear. Also, I think longer shorts/pants are more appropriate. Again, didn't pack those. And the shorts you see, are in fact, ripped. I think it just made my HOG riding experience that much more exhilarating.. I'm riding a dangerous vehicle in dangerous clothing!! Talk about really living!

Also, in the news.. Today is day 2 of half marathon training. Yesterday was a strength and stretch day.. Today was the first day of running. Mom ran with me. And we ran at 5:30 am. With a flashing red light attached to my waist. Sorry if you thought I was the cops. Anyway, rarely do I make it through a morning run without having to use mother nature as my private bathroom. And today, I did! YEAH ME!

I'm running the Solider Half Marathon (13.1 miles!) on Nov. 12, in Columbus, GA. Any money I raise goes directly to "The 1LT Robert Wilson Collins Patriot Spirit Scholarship" fund. Robert was killed near Mosul, Iraq in 2010, he was 24. Keeping American troops safe and scholarships are two things I care deeply about. I'm so tickled pink to be a part of this!

If you'd like to sponsor my run, by pledging a certain dollar amount per miles completed (i.e. $1/mile) or by donating. Email me at and I'll give you the necessary info. I encourage you to write the check to me, so I can present one big check to Robert's parents. But if you're more comfortable sending your check to the bank, I get it.

Below is the flyer we're using to fund raise. It has more deets, too.

For the record, you can't say "HOG" without putting some type of grumble rumble behind it. Therefore, I will continue to use CAPS when spelling "HOG". I know one of you was going to ask me. Or think "HOG" stood for something.. like Hilarious Outstanding Generous.. wrong, it stands for sweet motorcycle.

Happy Monday!

Cards game tonight with my sugarsnapsweetpea.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Moose Munch

Last weekend Mom popped popcorn for the concert, we didn't eat it all. So today, she made Moose Munch. Say it with me.. World's. Greatest. Mom.

We're taking bets on how long this lasts.. I say till Friday at 10:32 pm CST.

Happy Thursday, again!

You're Grossing Me Out.


Ok, so a few things people do. It's disgusting. So, stop.

1.  Those things people put in their earring holes, or wherever else. Gauges? Make me vomit.
I can handle if it's part of your emo/punk/alternative style.. whatever..
and if they're like the size of a penny or smaller (and if your tribe does it in Zimbabwe).

Like this..

But anything bigger than that. No thank you.
My mom and I were at the mall once, and the guy at the cash register had gauges in his ears.
 Like, the size of freakin' silver dollars. Seriously? Necessary for what reason?
We had items in our pretty little hands, and opted to leave them in the store.
He was grossing us out.
Seriously, what's the point of these?
And my friend had them once, she told me they stunk, like literally smelled bad.

2.  I don't know what causes this.. really long nails and really dry skin?
Ahhhh, I can barely talk type about it.
I hate hearing you scratch your skin. And in turn, I will not scratch your skin.
You want me to scratch your back? Sure thing.
But make sure there is a cotton barrier between my nails and your skin.
The worst is when it's your head. Holy moly. I'm gonna vomit.
And, when I scratch my arm, I don't make that noise.
So, what makes that noise?
Get some moisturizer. For sobbing out loud ("Bring It On!" anybody?)

3. Fake hair in general..  Hair pieces, extensions, wigs. All of it.
They're all disgusting.
I know some people need them for medical reasons. And God bless you.
But they still gross me out.
Especially the fake hair scrunchies. First of all, scrunchies aren't cool anymore.
And ones made out of fake hair.. super vom.
They aren't even cute on kids.

Happy Thursday. Clean up your act.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011


OMGW! We won last night, 3-1. We're amazing. And it's Katelin Jo Warmington's birthday!!

'cuz we're the three best friends that anyone could have, the three best friends that anyone could have...

I know you've truly missed out on these...
1.  What was one thing that you valued when you were a kid?

Probably Tuggie?  Or my pencil collection? Or soccer?

2.  What was your favorite (+ lease favorite) subject in school?

Favorite was science, any science.
Least fav was business related.. Marketing.. no, Geometry!
I was an Algebra whiz, but Geometry was a biatch!
But I loved (not like that) my Geometry teacher, so the class was actually ok.

3.  Do you remember your first love?

Fo shiz.
David Guthrie.
4.  What one pet would you love to have?

I'd really like to be a crazy cat lady, if it didn't make me a crazy lady.
Otherwise, a horse.

5.  Would you rather live in the country or in the city?

I would just like to be near a city. A big city.
With good shopping and food and entertainment.
Wait.. I'm not saying small towns don't have good shopping, food and entertainment.
I'm just saying, I want to be close to a big city, with all the stuff I'm familiar with.
Got it?

6.  What do you love about blogging?

Rereading my amazing stories.
7.  What is the first website you visit everyday?

8.  Will you or have you joined google+?

I don't know what you're talking about.

9.  What is your favorite scent of candle/air freshener?

Fresh scent.

10.  How would you describe your style?


Happy Wednesday!

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Playing Catch-Up, Round 2


Last Wednesday, I worked my full time job, and then had two clients at 5 and 6.  I have a client that consistently forgets I physically cannot be to the clinic until 5:15pm.  I prefer to take my first client at 6, so I can go home, unwind for 12 mins with a DMD, get dressed and leave again.  However, on the rare occasion, I will take a client at 5:30.  But I never suggest 5pm. So, this said forgetful client could only come in last week, on Wednesday at 5pm. Fine.  I told her how I would be there at 5:15pm. And told her to start without me.  She did, thank God.  Anyway, I walk up to the front desk where my direct supervisor sits, a fellow trainer and the "front desk girl." (I'm sorry, I don't know what to call her.. she's more than a receptionist, less than an office administrator)  The front desk girl looks at me and says, "You're late."  EXCUSE ME?  OH NO SHE DI-INT.  First of all, even if I was late, that was rude. Second, I wasn't late (see above).  My direct supervisor is a gem.  And knows what a great person, employee and trainer I am.  He also knows how lucky he is to have me on his staff. TOOT! TOOT! (Tooting my own horn..)  And he also knew exactly what was going on.  In yo' face front desk girl. I did explain myself to the front desk girl later.  And asked her to please never accuse me of anything so ridonkulous again.  I am an angel.  I only do good things.

Last Thursday, I only worked one job and got to go home and do nothingggggggg.  It was fabulous!

Last Friday, I saw "The Help" with Mom and Diane.  It was awesome.  Go see it.  The book is awesome, too.  Go Read it.

Saturday and Sunday, I played in a golf tournament with my Dad.  We try to play in it every year!  I really enjoy the course, Belk Park Golf Course in Woodriver, IL and the format.  Plus, Mike, the head pro is awesome.  The tournament is officially titled Metro East Amateur Championship.. used to be Metro East Men's Amateur Championship.. but since yours truly plays, Mike dropped the "Men's."  I'm just kidding.. I don't think it's because of me, but it probably is since I'm one of two girls that play, or the only girl there.  Anyway, don't ask me my scores.  I choked.

Yesterday, I worked and then worked again.  I stopped by the grocery for some sprinkles and floss.  What a funny purchase.  Oh, and I got some wheat thins for the 10 min drive home.

Today is Allie's birthday! She's like 100.. just kidding, only 27.  And I'm working and then have an indoor soccer game to dominate, followed by a training sesh with the Duffman.  It's fun whipping him in shape.

Tomorrow, is Warm's birthday! She, too, will be 100.. I mean 27.

Thursday, only one job to work!

Friday, Mom and I head to Dubuque for a nice relaxing, no wedding stuff, girls weekend. Yahoo!

Ok, something else.. I grew up with a lot of other Jessicas. One of my best friends is Jessica. We have the same initials, and pretzels do weird things to us. It's been a while since I've had to be around another Jessica. But I was just introduced to one yesterday. I'll be working with her at Hammer Bodies. Do you ever meet someone with your name and get, "Oh, well I'm THE Jessica." How in the world are you supposed to respond to that work appropriately? I'd like to slap the ho.

Happy Tuesday.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Mary Lou Retton Rybicki Has A Blog

My very dear friend, Mary Lou (for short) has started a blog!! I love the name..

Eat, Drink, and Be Mary

How freakin' 1. genius and 2. adorbs is that blog name!!!

And make sure you check out My Name is Hungry, too. Mary just posted about a little gem in Creve Coeur, Mo.

Now I'm hungry.

Happy Tuesday!

Monday, August 8, 2011

Jessica: She's What's For Dinner

I'm surprised I'm here typing right now.  Saturday night I was eaten alive... by mosquitoes (I didn't know when you make mosquito plural you add an e! Like tornadoes).  I'm like the sweetest person you'll ever meet.

I had a super fun weekend. Wes and I drove to New Haven, IL Friday night after work. Stopping at Gillio's Pizza first. I will only go to New Haven if I get to eat at Gillio's. Consider that your recommendation. And I'm just kidding.. I go to New Haven for other things, too. Like seeing Wes's family.. plus, they usually insist we go to Gillio's anyway. They are the best.

We spent the rest of Friday evening at Duffy's Landing.. Some of Wes's family's land by the river. Saturday morning when I woke up, it was raining. So, I went back to sleep. But then I eventually had to get up. We went to The Country Lodge for a homemade brunch, and it was fabulous! Eggs, pancakes, bacon, fruit, muffins, zucchini bread.. Beacuse of the rain, we had to redirect our Saturday plans, but only until the early afternoon. We headed back down to Duffy's Landing where the men fried catfish, chicken and potatoes, and made hush puppies. There was corn on the cob, slaw, cucumbers, onions, chips, Starburst, Grandma Rotramel's sugar cookies, brownies and peanut butter fudge. GA-freakin'-LORE! I definitely don't consider myself a camper. But if you include food like that, I'm willing to tough it out.

Sunday morning, lunch was at Wes's parents house. It was amazing as well! The brownies and peanut fudge were finished off early. There is a good chance not everyone got some of that peanut butter fudge. And that could be partially my fault. Maybe. We had Peak Brothers ham, this amazing potato caserole, baked beans, slaw, pasta salad, veggies, chips, and whatever was left over from the day and night before.

After fighting off a food coma, Marvin got stuck taking Amanda and me for a ride on his hog. Because of us, two families' departure time was pushed back a good hour two hours. I can't say I'm sorry, I totally loved the experience! Remind me to put "hog" "Harley Davidson t" on my Christmas list.

Amanda's turn!

Happy Monday!

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Happy Belated Birthday!


I missed I'm bored..'s birthday.. I've officially been keeping this little beaut going for 1 whole year (and 5 days!). Have a cupcake (or 5) on us.

Happy Thursday!

PS Happy Birthday TReedy13! It is actually her birthday. In real life.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Lady Lib is Da Man!

Check it out:

I would have totally copied Joanna's blog, but thought citing her and giving you the link was more appropriate. I don't want to piss in anyone's Cheerios, before it's socially acceptable to call someone's home (9 am, right?) Anyway, New York legalized gay marriage July 24, 2011. And a bunch of couples got married on July 24, 2011. That's pretty cool!

I 100% support people, and what they stand for (in reason, I guess). And afterall, this is what we believe in, as a country, right? (love, equality, persuit of happiness...) (Just ask Will Smith) I mean.. sure we have our different religions, but to me, believing in something is better than believing in nothing (if you're Athiest, and reading this, I know you believe in things.. just not a higher power.. and that's my point) (You do believe in other things, right? Like love? Chocolate Long Johns? Pets?).. America is practically synonomous with liberty, justice, independence.. among other things. And New York is like a mini America. This is totally awesome for the people! And this article is totes adorbs. (same article featured on Joanna's blog)

Happy Freakin' Wednesday!